I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
