I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
