I'm sorry my penis didn't work
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
