I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
