I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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