I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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