dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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