after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
