Christians are straight up FREAKS
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
