Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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