TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
