I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I think i got beer on your cat.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
