I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have already put on my inside pants.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
