I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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