You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
