Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
