drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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