If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Michael Bay diarrhea
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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