I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
