I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
