girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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