Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
