Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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