Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
