you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
