Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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