In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
