that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
