Jerry, you need to find god
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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