on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
