I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
