listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
operation have a gay friend backfired
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I need to align my fucking chakras
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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