my mouth tastes like poor choices
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
