Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize