a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
