Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
