He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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