he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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