Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
