Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She just used a chaser for red wine.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
