Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
