Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
