Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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