My brain says no but my pants say off.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
