we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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