There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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