So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
someone threw a dead crab at me
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
