can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I looked at my own cervix.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
