white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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