And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
