Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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