best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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