You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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