Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
