Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
