Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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