I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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