cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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