Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
