i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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