It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize