Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
