I faked an abortion last night.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
