why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
