I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
