my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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