dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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