if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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