The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
