What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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