If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
