you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
