im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Randomize
