I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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