Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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