Sry I called you an 8
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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