I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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