Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
