Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
