Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
