when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
