my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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